My family...My life...My fitness journey...

My family...My life...My fitness journey...

Saturday, January 24, 2015

My why...

To struggle to have children is something I would never wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy.  Children are truly a blessing from the Lord.  My children fought their way into this world.  And they are healthy, strong, smart, beautiful, handsome, AND A HANDFUL!  Sometimes, I get lost in that.  The handful part.  When they are arguing with each other.  When they answer back.  When they refuse or put up a fight when it is time for homework.  When they are overly tired but refusing to sleep.  But in the end, I have to live by this quote.

It is our job as parents, to fill our children with warm memories, discipline, respect, drive, and more.  It is their precious lives that are in my hands.  And at times, as frustrating as it is, my reactions NOW will affect them LATER.  I know personally.  I have struggled with not being good enough in the eyes of my father which eventually turned into not have any self-confidence.  Which lead to a crap ton of bad choices in my teens and 20's.

I never, ever, ever, ever...EVER want my kids to think that they do not have my whole heart.  I want them to grow up feeling confident in their choices and actions.  I want them to know I believe they are the most amazing children a mother could have.

But isn't that hard?  I know it is definitely hard for me because at the same time, I don't want my children to be egotistical, self-absorbed, selfish individuals.  There is a fine line.  Wouldn't you agree?  Balance and approach are key.  And I can tell you this, because I have 3 children that happent to be the same age, they are still our "firsts" which means I don't get a do over.  Talk about PRESSURE!

{Sofia, Ian, & Gabriella}

What I do know is it all starts at home.  If I don't want my daughters to struggle with not feeling adequate or comfortable in the way they look and they struggle with what I did, not being pretty enough, thin enough, athletic enough, and they feel the pain I felt, then I will have failed.  It is my mission, my LEGACY, to change that.  To make sure that they love themselves.  That they put forth their best efforts in life and can say, "I did the best I could!"

It is also my job to make sure that my son learns that looks aren't everything.  That the size jeans you wear isn't what makes a woman beautiful.  I will teach him to appreciate a woman.  To love her for who she is, faults and all.

It is equally as important that my husband plays a roll in this as well.  I don't want him to ever criticize our girls like I was criticized growing up.  I want him to make them feel like they are the most beautiful, talented, smart, confident girls they are.  I want him to teach our son how to love a woman the way she should be loved.  To appreciate her for what she brings to the table and hopefully to fill in the gaps of what she doesn't, making them a team.

I know this blog is about my fitness journey.  THIS is part of it.  THIS is a key component of why I let myself get so big, so sad, and didn't love myself for so long.  I know I am not alone.  I know that there are more women out there that have gone through the same.  That have been used and abused by men due to their "daddy complex".  And I want those of you that are walking the same mile as me, to know things CAN change.  You CAN let go and forgive.  You CAN learn to love yourself.  You CAN build your confidence, age doesn't matter!  Hey, I'm turning 40 in March, and I am just now digging deep to work on my issues.

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